ugh…
Hey all
Not really sure where to start... Been up since 4-30, in and out of sleep. I've been watching sports center, kind of. I've had 4 seizures in the last 5 weeks, including one yesterday.
Every time I have a seizure I think the tumor is back. How can I not? So you can imagine where my mind is. I can't get out of my own head. What if it is back? What's next if it is? Is this the beginning of the end (hell no!)? Lots of questions with no answers...
But I don't even know if in fact the tumor IS back. I don't know if it's my medications, if I'm not getting enough sleep, combination of the two, something else. My next MRI is January 13 or 15; MRI in the morning, results of the MRI in the afternoon. I am looking forward to some Zio's pizza though!
The uncertainty is what kills me. And I hate that I have no control of the uncertainty...hate it.
The boys just got up; Timmy came right over and gave me a hug 
Brody was worried about the basement door being open and the fresh air coming in and the hot air going out 
(cont'd as I took 3 hr nap )
The boys and Karla are what I try to focus on. The boys will be 4 on February 1. Where has time gone? They are happy kids though, and are at an age where we can do so much more with them. Karla has SO much on her plate. She drives the boys to school, goes to work for 3-4 hours, picks the boys up, drives them to daycare, drives home, logs into work, drives back to pick the boys at day care and brings them home. She drives nearly50 miles a day. And it wears on her. And I hate it.
She's still my rock though. I truly don't know what I'd do without her...
I just can't get out of my head. I think about it constantly. And I keep it to myself. That's probably the worst thing I can do. But I do so to try and protect Karla, my parents, family. I feel like it's the right thing to do. To not add stress and sadness to an already bad situation.
I try like hell to live by the following quote from Abe Lincoln:
"Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be."
I believe attitude is everything. I know right now my attitude is kinda shitty. It'll improve, this I know. Hell, venting as I type this blog post is helping. Thanks for reading.
I hope you all have a wonderful holiday season. Enjoy your time spent with family and friends. And be grateful for what you have. Have a very Merry Christmas and an excellent New Year!!!
Be well...TB
Connect
Upcoming Events
| « Nov |
|
Jan » |
| S | M | T | W | T | F | S |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | |||
| 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 |
| 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 |
| 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 |
| 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 | |
Pages
Archive
- December 2011
- December 2010
- October 2010
- July 2010
- June 2010
- May 2010
- April 2010
- March 2010
- February 2010
- January 2010
February 1st, 2011 - 09:02
Hi, Travis. It’s Bobbi from across the street. I can see the worry in your face and it breaks my heart, but I want to share with you something that will help. Offer it up! Offer all of the pain and worry and seizures to God and ask him to carry it for you so you don’t have to carry it yourself. Then, once you offer it up, start focusing on something you can do for Karla, or something you and the boys can do together no matter how little you think it might be. You’ll begin to get a better outlook and some peace. Do this every day for as long as it takes. Know that we love you guys.
December 22nd, 2010 - 13:50
Very brave of you to share what’s going on in your thoughts with us. Thinking about you, Travis, and also praying for you and your family.
December 21st, 2010 - 01:32
Travis, I must say that I find your honesty refreshing. I don’t think the tumor is back. I really don’t. I wish I were an MRI machine so I could tell you for sure. Even if they don’t “mean” anything, the seizures must seriously cramp your style since you never know when they are going to come. I’m glad you are able to focus on the boys and Karla. I know you really appreciate Karla and everything she does for you, and you might feel a little guilty, but trust that she wouldn’t have it any other way. It is a gift to her to allow her to take care of you. (I know firsthand that trying to think that way is easier said than done) Looking forward to hearing the news from your next clean MRI, and I want to know what kind of Zio’s you order that day.
December 20th, 2010 - 19:41
Sorry to hear about the seizures, hoping for all good things for you guys! I loved your Christmas cards. The boys are so cute, I know what you mean they grow up way to fast. It is fun though to do all the “big kid” stuff with them and there conversations are so funny! Have a great Christmas and New Year with Karla and the boys.
December 20th, 2010 - 13:09
Hey Travis – Sorry to hear about the seizures and in general the way you’ve been feeling. I can absolutely relate to not wanting to burden others with your feelings. I do it often when it comes to Kellen. Sometimes just seems easier to not have people worry for you and to put up a good front. I know it’s not rational and I would never want family or friends to do that to me but letting people in is easier said than done….you know what I mean. Anyway…I pray you all find peace and joy this Christmas. Most of all enjoy those boys and your wonderful wife!
December 20th, 2010 - 10:45
“Life isn’t about waiting for the storms to pass…It’s about learning how to dance in the rain”
“Don’t worry about tomorrow…God is already there”
Two of my favorite thoughts that I wanted to pass on…Barb Thompson (Nicki Bratten’s mom)…Merry Christmas
December 19th, 2010 - 21:24
Hey Travis – you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers ALWAYS! Just keep thinking positive thoughts and this will all work out! Just trust in the man upstairts.
December 19th, 2010 - 20:27
Travis, I often think of you and wonder how you are doing. I’m sorry you are having seizures again. Stay positive and focus on the good things – Karla, the boys, your friends and family and how many people love you and are there to support you. I wish you and your family a very Merry Christmas! I’ll be praying for you as your MRI approaches. Be well :c)
December 19th, 2010 - 19:43
So sorry to hear about your recent seizures. Hoping and praying you get some answers in January. In the meantime, hang in there!
December 19th, 2010 - 17:01
Hey Travis, I was just thinking about you this week and wondering how you were. I’m sorry to hear about the seizures. I can’t imagine how stressful it all must be for you and your family. I’ll be praying for you as your next MRI date approaches. Merry Christmas!