Five or six weeks ago I noticed some fluid build-up on one of my scars. Over the next couple of weeks it started oozing puss. Called up to UNMC and they scheduled an MRI that night. As I was pulling into my garage I got call from Joe, one of Dr. A's residents. He told me there was obvious change in my MRI, that he consulted Dr. A and they agreed I most likely had an infection between my scalp and the membrane. He then told me I was going to have surgery in 36 hours.

I'm glad he called and told me. I had an appt the next day with Dr. A. It would have been even more of a shock to find out at the appt. I had time to process it, to prepare for it.

I had a craniectomy(?), where they remove a piece of skull and basically throw it away. I have a flat part of my head where the piece of skull was removed...because of that I have to wear a helmet. I will have another brain surgery to put an artificial 'piece' put in, most likely late March or early April.

The infection was right above the tumor cavity so she cut the membrane to take a look and flush out the cavity. She took a biopsy while she was in there. She couldn't tell whether it was scar tissue or radiation effect or if the cancer was back.

The biopsy came back showing the cancer had come back. They called Karla's phone. I don't remember what was funny, but I remember we were smiling when the call came. I could tell by Karla's face the cancer was back. Since it was stage 3 originally, it came back as stage 4 (it can't go down...not sure if that's all cancer's or just brain tumors).

Karla told me it was stage 4. I didn't react. I felt numb. Karla was crying and I felt nothing. Still feel nothing. I knew it was going to come back.

There is a silver lining: if I hadn't got the infection and didn't have surgery we would have played the waiting game...wait and see if it continues to grow. We caught it early, and that's always a good thing

Treatments...oh the treatments. I have a picc line; it's kinda like a an i.v. but it's not. It's just above my left elbow on the inside. There's a  vein that goes up the arm and directly to my heart. I have to give myself liquid antibiotics every 8 hours. I have a portable machine that slowly pumps the antibiotics into my body. It takes about 90 minutes each time. It sucks, but it could be worse.

I'm also taking a chemo pill, Temedor(?). I take it for 5 days, then go 23 days off. They'll draw blood in 4 weeks to measure the level and adjust the dosage as needed. Assuming my levels are good, I'll repeat the cycle for as long as it's working. It's had a pretty good success rate, so I'm hopeful that it will keep the cancer at bay. The only side effect I've experienced is nausea, but I can live with that.

Thank you all for the continued love and support you are giving me and my family. You will never know how much it means to us

Be well...TB

The family and I are doing well, just living day by day. The boys will be 5 on Feb 1...I'm still trying to wrap my head around it. It's amazing to watch them grow and learn; I just wish it would slow down. They're getting to be big boys, and they're acting like it

So far so good regarding the MRI scans...just some scar tissue moving around. And good news, instead of every three months between scans, I only have to go every four months. Doesn't sound like much, but progress is progress.

I am still experiencing some small seizures or episodes. I'm completely coherent and I get that feeling across my brain. And then I can't talk. I can see the words, saying them in my head. But that connection between my brain and mouth gets interrupted for 15-20 seconds.

I still think about it all the time, wondering what's going in my head. Again, how can I not. Every time I feel funny or odd, every time I get a headache, I wonder if it's coming back. I still keep it to myself, most of the time. Whatever...I'll deal with whatever comes my way like I always do

I had a HUGE tear in my rotator cuff and had it surgically repaired in mid-August. Talk about painful. I was in a permanent sling for six weeks. It's no fun sleeping in a recliner for that long, constantly changing out ice packs and trying to get comfortable. And then the PT. PT was hell for 8-10 weeks (sorry Moe) and I still have two more months to go. My advice to you, don't ever have shoulder surgery unless it's absolutely necessary...

I'm not sure if this is a good thing, but I finally got my taste buds back for beer. Took about a year, but damn it feels good to drink a cold banquet beer.

I hope you all are happy and want to wish you and yours a very Merry Christmas! I hope next year you continue live in the moment and cherish each day.

Be well...TB

Not really sure where to start... Been up since 4-30, in and out of sleep. I've been watching sports center, kind of. I've had 4 seizures in the last 5 weeks, including one yesterday.

Every time I have a seizure I think the tumor is back. How can I not? So you can imagine where my mind is. I can't get out of my own head. What if it is back? What's next if it is? Is this the beginning of the end (hell no!)? Lots of questions with no answers...

But I don't even know if in fact the tumor IS back. I don't know if it's my medications, if I'm not getting enough sleep, combination of the two, something else. My next MRI is January 13 or 15; MRI in the morning, results of the MRI in the afternoon. I am looking forward to some Zio's pizza though!

The uncertainty is what kills me. And I hate that I have no control of the uncertainty...hate it.

The boys just got up; Timmy came right over and gave me a hug

Brody was worried about the basement door being open and the fresh air coming in and the hot air going out

(cont'd as I took 3 hr nap )

The boys and Karla are what I try to focus on. The boys will be 4 on February 1. Where has time gone? They are happy kids though, and are at an age where we can do so much more with them. Karla has SO much on her plate. She drives the boys to school, goes to work for 3-4 hours, picks the boys up, drives them to daycare, drives home, logs into work, drives back to pick the boys at day care and brings them home. She drives nearly50 miles a day. And it wears on her. And I hate it.

She's still my rock though. I truly don't know what I'd do without her...

I just can't get out of my head. I think about it constantly. And I keep it to myself. That's probably the worst thing I can do. But I do so to try and protect Karla, my parents, family. I feel like it's the right thing to do. To not add stress and sadness to an already bad situation.

I try like hell to live by the following quote from Abe Lincoln:

"Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be."

I believe attitude is everything. I know right now my attitude is kinda shitty. It'll improve, this I know. Hell, venting as I type this blog post is helping. Thanks for reading.

I hope you all have a wonderful holiday season. Enjoy your time spent with family and friends. And be grateful for what you have. Have a very Merry Christmas and an excellent New Year!!!

Be well...TB

Karla and the boys are doing great! The boys started pre-school August 23...they seem to love it! But every time Karla or I ask them about it they say "I don't want to talk about it" Who knows where they get that from. They've adjusted well to their new schedule and are making lots of new friends!

Karla is adjusting to her new schedule as well; she takes the boys to school and goes to work in the morning. Then she picks the boys up after lunch, takes them to daycare, and works from home in the afternoon. We're really lucky her work allows her the flexibility we need to make it work.

All in all, things are going pretty well. I'm back at work PT...been averaging 28-34 hours a week for the past 6 weeks. It feels good to get back into the routine. And it feels even better to be back with my second family! My plan is to get back to full time this Monday!

As for my health, I'm feeling better than I did before the surgery! My last seizure was Aug 29, so I'm not driving yet...getting very impatient, but it is what it is. My next moment of truth (MRI) is October 13...can't believe it's right around the corner... On the bright side, I am looking forward to some Zio's though! I'll write another post after I get through the day...hopefully with good news

Hope you all have a great day!

Til next time...

TB

I don't know where to start...anyone still reading this blog (or FB) knows my last MRI showed no re-growth of the tumor; promising results considering we're just shy of six months since my surgery. I'm staying level-headed about it...not to high, not to low.

I've had a few seizures over the the last couple-three months. They are getting shorter in length of time but the soreness is the same. I saw my neurologist after my MRI a couple of weeks ago; he put me on another drug (Lamictal?) in addition to the other two anti-seizure med's. I really think I/we are on the right track with this.

Just got back from Indian Rocks Florida on Monday. Karla and I took a MUCH needed vacation with her two sisters and their husbands (I'm an only child and this trip showed me what its like to have brothers and sisters...thank you for caring SO much, I love you guys). We rented a townhouse overlooking a bay and had a two block walk to the beach. We did a lot of nothing...no plans or agenda, just what we all needed. My parents kept the boys and I must say they came home pretty spoiled I guess that's what grandparents are for...Thanks Mom & Dad!

Things are looking up...it'll be October before I can drive and I'm already getting impatient. But oh well...things could always be worse.

That's all I've got for now...Take care and be well.

TB

OK...thanks for letting me vent...

If there is a 'silver lining' ( )to having another seizure, it's that I now know what to expect when it happens. I guess it's pretty common for people on Keppra (anti-seizure medication) to remember their seizures (lack of a better term). I remember everything, even Karla's conversation with the 911 operator. I was sitting on the edge of our bed, watching a show on dvr. A strange sensation suddenly darted across my brain from left to right. It kinda of made me feel light headed, like I did when I received pain killer via the IV in my arm. It went away as fast as it came on...but then a few seconds later it was back, only this time the sensation was also in my finger tips. My forearms, wrists, hands, and fingers locked up. That's about the time I started running for Karla.

I got to the top of the stairs before I collapsed. I was able to shift my torso so my forearms hit first and kinda braced myself, but I still took a pretty good knot on my forehead. Karla was already half way up the stairs when I fell. I started seizing immediately when I went down. I was coherent and very aware of what was going on around on me; but I couldn't communicate or control my body. I finally allowed myself to just ride it out. The whole episode lasted around 45-60 seconds. I was completely conscious and aware (and sitting at the kitchen table) when the EMT/Paramedics got there. I was exhausted and felt like I had just run a marathon. I let them check me over but wouldn't take the ride to the hospital. As Karla mentioned in the previous post, that was the first night I didn't take a p.m. dose of steroid...the day after I finished radiation! Needless to say I am still on the steroid. I will continue through tomorrow and Monday I will stop. Hopefully this will be enough tapering

I'm excited so many people have RSVP'd for May 15th...we may have to get the back room after all (if we do we'll get a keg or two )! It will certainly be a memorable night

I hope you are able to enjoy your day; take care and be well...TB

Celebrated the milestone at IHOP (I know...FANCY)  and met most of the family there. I have a confession...I thought this would be a nightmare!! You see....first time restaurant-goers for the twins. But they were so good...and they ate VERY well (very picky!)! Timmers had at least 4 good sized pancakes with syrup; B had 3 and a half pancakes and 3 pieces of bacon! It was comforting for me to be with those I care about most; your support through this has given me strength and I hope you know how much it means to me.

Funny story about Tim...the kids were off running around outside on the sidewalk when Tim stops, and points to a sweeeeet Dodge Viper and said, "I want to ride in that!" Hilarious

On the afternoon of May 12th, I will have my first three month check-up with Dr. Aizenberg and The Team; but first in the morning (gotta get my Zio's for lunch ) I will have a moment of truth, the first MRI since they wheeled me into the tube the evening after my surgery. It will serve as a baseline for how my brain looks now. Keep your fingers crossed... I will continue to go to Omaha every three months for an MRI and a check-up for the next 2-3 yrs.

My brother-in-law asked me tonight "what's next?"...appears that is the million dollar question as I have no solid answer. So I guess that's the next step...figuring out my next step. I have been so focused on the here and now I haven't allowed much thought for the future. Fatigue caused by the radiation will continue, probably through sometime next week before I notice any change; that + the steroids = still no sleep. They are aggressively tapering me off the steroids and I am SO thankful for that. I can't tell a difference so far with how I feel, but I'm hoping that as I get down to 1mg a day and then I'm done with steroids on Monday that my health will quickly return.

Oh yeah....to top it off...I have walking pneumonia (just means it was caught early). Got a real nice 'hack' that fits right in well with all the other side effects I've encountered.

Oh well....it is what it is, right? Another obstacle down, and time to rest and get healthy before I tackle the next one.

I hope you all are well....TB

I hope you are or will get to enjoy this Friday afternoon...it's beautiful!

It's hard to believe I started radiation six weeks ago...it's all kind of a blur. I will officially be done this coming Wednesday. They have already started tapering me off the decadron (steroid that's the root of my misery and which you can't quit cold turkey). They are being aggressive with the taper, which I truly appreciate, and it looks like if all goes well I should be off the decadron in 10 days.

I finally got the green light to start driving...it's amazing what we take for granted. I didn't realize the independence lost until I was relying on someone everyday for a ride.  Nonetheless, I have my keys back and I couldn't be happier

I'm looking forward to the party on MAY 15th at Barry's Bar & Grill! Should be a GREAT time! And if you have a Team Travis shirt, wear it or a shade of gray to promote brain cancer.

Guess that's all for now...be well and happy...TB

I hope this finds you well. Did you get outside today (for you NE peeps)? It's pretty special what some sunshine can do...that and the energy spent outside by my twins They LOVE it that the 'sun came back'!

I'm just past half-way with my radiation treatments; 17 down, 16 to go. I have to admit it feels really good knowing I'm on the downhill with this thing...but it's really starting to take it's toll on me. I started losing my hair last week and it's pretty noticeable. You can really tell where the radiation is entering/exiting my noggin. I still can't sleep for more than a couple hours at a time...and when I wake up, it's usually for good. Nothing like starting your day at 2 or 3 am Enough complaining....it could be so much WORSE.

Well...I'm exhausted and am going to sign off for the night. Reminder: MAY 15th, BARRY'S BAR & GRILL...more details to come via FB and travistuesday.com.

Until next time...be well and happy....TB

I feel like my speech is improving every day, though Karla and my folks/family tell me they can barely, if at all, tell a difference. I think it has more to do with getting my confidence back than anything. I've come a long way, and I have long way to. But I'm finally starting to see the light at the end of tunnel. And that my friends, is a nice feeling

This past Friday afternoon I went into the office to pay a visit to my friends/co-workers...it was simply amazing to see everyone! The love and support I have received from them far exceeds anything I could have imagined...I am eternally grateful.

Radiation...it is what it is so far. Just had my ninth treatment this morning...but I think the fatigue factor and the steroids I'm on is affecting my sleep. I'm going to bed right after the boys (9ish...abnormal)...which is all fine and well because I feel so drained...but the steroids won't let me fall into a deep sleep (common side effect). I can't sleep for more than and hour or two at a time.

As mentioned by Karla in the previous post, please save the date May 15 and join us at Barry's Bar & Grill for celebration!! Plan on 7pm...more details to come.

Have a great day and be well...TB